I hope this meme comes out in the wash. I tried the club soda trick and everything, but no dice.

Okay, so I’ve been tagged for Seven Things. Normally I’d turn my daintily elitist Northeastern nose up at such a thing and demand the house staff see it out posthaste, but this tagging comes by way of drinkerthinker, and hot on the heels of a sensibly populist rationalization from her robotic counterpart. Who am I to refuse?

So let’s make with the reciprocity…

The Rules

• Link to your original tagger(s) and list these rules in your post.
• Share seven facts about yourself in the post.
• Tag seven people at the end of your post, leaving their names and links to their blogs.
• Let them know they’ve been tagged.

The Goods

1. I got my first job at age 14, working as an undocumented farm laborer. We were paid in cash every Tuesday (to ensure our return) and transported to the fields via a van held together with carpet remnants and spittle. Nothing teaches a 14-year-old the value of hard work like shoveling raw manure into an industrial dirt grinder for a fraction of minimum wage.

2. I was accidentally stabbed in the hand by a co-worker at the aforementioned job (no lasting ill effects) and received the second best tan of my life (thus far). I also acquired an aloe plant from my employers that nearly achieved sentience before collapsing under its own colossal mass. It spawned several sequels. 

3. Grace incarnate from an early age, I bear a faint scar on my chin from when I fell off a balance beam in elementary school. Yeah, I’m butch. (Seriously, what kind of sociopath puts a balance beam on a school playground?) 

4. I once broke my ankle in two places and tore the cartilage off the bottom of my femur while playing with some icicles. Really fucking pretty icicles.

5. I have a nearly indiscernible but sizable birthmark on my left iris. Ball’s back in your court, David Bowie. 

6. I was once voted “Most Sarcastic Representative” and “Best Debater” at the same awards ceremony by my university’s Student Association. I am hell on wheels with Robert’s Rules, and still occasionally catch myself blurting out “Point of order!” during office meetings. 

7. When I was a wee tyke I thought the Chrysler Building was the Empire State Building and vice versa. Everyone always talked about how great the latter was, but the former struck me as so much damn nicer. They must’ve meant that one, right? I now live a block away from it (and still think it looks nicer).

Next Victims

The following esteemed gentlefolk may feel free to carry on in like fashion or, barring that, take this nomination out behind a barn and gently smother it. Please note this does not preclude additional shunning at The Next Big Social Event of the Season, where we will undoubtedly stand around exchanging awkward pleasantries and wishing like mad hell the cocktails were stronger.

• Chris Fahey (@askrom)
• Anthony Armendariz (@mantwan)
• Chris Harrington (@octothorpe)
• Erin Kissane (@kissane)
• Mandy Brown (@aworkinglibrary)
• Ron Newsome (@ronsome)
• Pete Brown (@downdb)

Go forth and testify.